Songs
by routavaurio
Summary: She sings in the tavern and makes people happy. He listens. Cole and Maryden the bard are drawn together in the midst of the war. Friendship fic.


**WARNING: Maybe possibly very mild and vague spoilers for Cole's character arc in the story itself. More spoilers in the ranty Author's Note.**

* * *

 **Songs**

The tavern is unusually quiet. Well, quiet on the outside, but never on the inside. The people are not talking much, and most of them are somewhere else, but the weariness whispers and weighs down their minds quite loudly. There are other sounds as well, pain and passion that brews under the calm surface. There are some broken and cracked hearts on the bar benches, some trying to drown their tears into tankards. The sadness slithers and swooshes sullenly even when dulled with alcohol. But the surface is enough to give even Compassion some room to breathe. Cole lingers at the steps that lead down to the tavern, wondering whether he should soothe even the dulled pain. But there is already someone else, a soft song that brings people solace and smiles. Maryden is singing again, like she almost always is. It is her job to sing, Cole knows, and she does it to heal and to bring happiness. Cabot, who scowls behind the bar but who is more weary than wrathful, claims her singing is bad, but he doesn't mean it. The others like her singing too, and it makes them feel better. Right now, Cole feels like he is not needed in the tavern, and he thinks he had better leave and head for the barracks, or to where the sick people are. They always need help. But Maryden's songs soothe him as well. He listens to the happiness she weaves into the notes, even when her own heart is heavy, and he feels how the song and the music help the people in the tavern. It is good to stop there, even if just for a while. Cole sits down on a step and stays until a busy passer-by almost pushes him off because they don't know he is there.

Cole stops to listen to Maryden's songs often. They are little pauses from pain, and he doesn't allow himself to slip from his duties for long. People hurt all the time. He couldn't just stop helping. But Varric and the Inquisitor have both told him to take breaks more often. Not taking them could lead to exhaustion, they say, and exhaustion could lead to all kinds of ailments. Cole doesn't get ill or tired, unless he fights for far too long, or has to use his power of hiding to hide other living things besides himself. But the breaks _are_ nice, and after them he feels like he can help even better. So he perches on the railing of the tavern and listens. Occasionally he wonders if Maryden knows he is there. He has talked to her sometimes, and a couple of times she has said hello as if she knows him. So she remembers him at least a little bit. That is good. Cole knows so many people now that sometimes it is hard to keep track of who remembers and who sees and who doesn't. He remembers helping her sometimes, and she has said her thanks. She is nice, even outside of her songs. Cole closes his eyes, even though he doesn't need them to see, and listens.

Her song twines prettily with the peace that will soon be broken when the soldiers return to wash their traumas down with ale and spirits. Cole wonders why some drinks are called that. It is liquid, not spirits. Perhaps it brings them closer to the Fade. The "spirits" do make people sleepy, and sleep is a good way into the Fade. Perhaps that's it. He wonders whether these "spirits" become demons the moment they stop feeling good and make the people throw up and groan because their heads start hurting. Maybe they are always demons. Cole doesn't know. The spirits in the bottles hardly ever talk, or even feel. Cole supposes he just needs to be there when the headaches start, to help them get back on their feet. Until then, he needs to go pick some prophet's laurel, because it reminds one of the stable hands of home. He leaves the song behind, but the song forgets pieces of itself into his head. It helps him to push the roaring of the Breach into the back of his mind so that it doesn't tear him so badly.

* * *

Maryden's hand is bleeding, and she cannot play her music. She has cut it when one of the people smashed a tankard that carelessly flung shards of itself on the floor and the table. She didn't notice it in time. Cabot is angry at the man who broke the tankard, and Cole is sad that he wasn't there in time to stop the small scuffle that caused it. Maryden is sitting in a corner, cursing softly and clutching her bleeding hand. Cole is beside her in a moment, handing her a handful of crushed elfroot and a small cup of water. She looks at him, searches her memory and then finds him there. She smiles softly.

"Thank you," she says, "You…?"

She seems to be waiting for him to say something, so Cole says:

"Yes, I am me."

Maryden sighs.

"I meant to ask your name."

"Oh. I'm Cole."

"Cole," she says and nods, "I'll remember that."

"It's okay if you don't," Cole replies, "Most don't. I just want to help."

Her hand is cleaner, now, washed with the water. The blood drips lazily, in drops like bitter berries. So different from the river of red that runs from people's necks when his knife slits them quickly and quietly. There was a time long gone when Cole found his purpose in blood, but he hardly remembers it anymore. It was different. _He_ was different. Back then he was a demon, and he doesn't want to go back to that. Now his purpose is to heal. He presses the elfroot against the wound and then wraps Maryden's hand with a strip of clean cloth. He almost always has some with him even though his own clothes are dirty. One never knew when it was needed. Maryden hisses at the small sting.

"I wouldn't've thought I'd be wounded. I just play here."

Her speech lilts, the poetry forgotten for a moment because of the pain.

"Soldiers spill blood on battlefields, and they need something to spill here as well," Cole says helpfully, "It's more balanced that way. Here they should be happy, though, not angry or sad. You help with that a lot."

Maryden looks at him questioningly. Her face has pretty angles, and her eyes are warm.

"You make them happy," Cole goes on when she asks questions with her eyes, "Singing, soothing, slowing time in the midst of too fast days. They need that."

"Well, of course. I'm a bard; that's what I'm meant to do."

"Yes," Cole agrees, "You have a purpose. That makes you you. And you are good at it."

Maryden's cheeks redden. Varric has said that it means someone is embarrassed, or flustered, or… there are too many things they can be. Cole usually ignores the outside signs, because he can see the feelings very easily anyway. Maryden is happy and surprised to hear his words. Perhaps she has believed Cabot when Cabot has said her singing is bad. Cole hopes no one else says it, because it isn't true.

Maryden asks Cole to come talk to her more often. Cole agrees, and then leaves her to smile.

* * *

Cole keeps his promise as much as he has time to. The Inquisitor wants him to come along almost every time they leave for something important, and Cole is glad to go because that means he can help more. And while in Skyhold there are so many people crying out in their heads that he cannot just focus on one. Besides, Maryden is usually happy. There are a couple of cracks, and some secrets in her soul, but she can usually pour it into her song and it makes her feel better as well. Some secrets are not secrets at all after that. She sings about Sera, who is not impressed. She sings about the Inquisition, and about the mages, and some songs she writes just in her head and keeps them there. Those she only sings when she knows she is alone. But Cole promised he would talk to her, so he does. It makes her happy, and Cole is glad to have a new friend.

A lot of the times they talk about songs. Maryden sees songs clearly. They are notes, but they are also feelings. She wants to make the songs have good notes but also good feelings, and then she mixes them together. Cole likes that.

"So many things in this world sing," he says once, "The Fade is filled with song, all the time. Whispers and wisps and whines from things that are and were and will be. Just living is its own song, all the tears and tearing and love and leaving. The trees sing too, slow and low and so pretty. And then there is the stone. Some dwarves hear it, but it's usually too old to be understood. Even I can't hear it properly."

He pauses to think for a moment, and to breathe because Varric has told him that people can get scared if he doesn't breathe for too long.

"Your songs are louder on the outside, but they are also quieter because they are just you and not too many too different things put together. But you resonate here, make people happy. It's a good kind of singing."

Maryden laughs and smiles and Cole is happy because he knows she understands at least some of what he tries to say even though he isn't good with words.

* * *

He likes Maryden. When he says that to The Iron Bull, he gets a clap on the back and some advice that leaves him confused. He knows The Iron Bull sees it differently. He thinks his like is like the pull that leaves people tangled and sweating in bedsheets. Cole knows what that is, but he knows it distantly because it is one of the few feelings he can't empathise with. Spirits don't need the pull that led the mages in the Spire steal secret moments together when the Templars were elsewhere. Some spirits that come through the Veil start feeling that when their feelings get knotted with the person they possess. But Cole isn't possessing anyone. His like for Maryden is like his like for Varric, or Dorian, or Cassandra or the Inquisitor. There are moments when Cole can see Maryden feel differently about him, but he doesn't say anything about it. There is someone else for Maryden, Cole knows that. There are eyes on her, but some are leering, lustful. Some are gentler, and wonder what it would be like to just hold her hand at first. Cole likes those more.

Once she says it out loud, when the night is falling and they sit on the ramparts because even Maryden needs a break and she says the still warm evening air is good for her voice in small doses. She stares outwards, seeking, searching, and then turns to him and says:

"I think I might love you."

Cole nods.

"I know."

Her hand is on his arm. It might have been warm, but Cole hardly ever notices temperatures.

"And you?" she asks quietly, sadly, because a part of her knows the answer.

"Not like that," Cole says, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be…" she trails off, disappointed but not despairing, "But we are friends, are we not?"

"Yes. I think we are."

It is enough for her, or at least she tells herself it is. One day it won't matter, because one day she will find someone for her and be happy. Cole knows he can help with that.

* * *

"What would you do if there wasn't a hole in the sky?" Maryden asks him once, when a cruel battle has left most of the Inquisitor's inner circle too tired to go out for a while. Cole sits on a railing like he usually does and tries to block out the frustration of The Iron Bull, who would have wanted to go dragon hunting, and the sadness of one of the workers who lost a friend when a part of the ancient wall caved in in the dungeons.

"I would still help people," Cole says at once, "Maybe I could go home too. But just for a while. I'm needed here a lot, even when they don't know it."

Maryden smiles.

"That's true. That's why I keep singing even when some complain. I know they need it."

She pauses, touches Cole's shoulder in a friendly way.

"I know _I_ am not tired of your company, at least."

Cole doesn't smile back, because smiling is difficult for him. There is too much pain in the world for him to smile properly. But he _is_ happy, as happy as Compassion can be. Compassion is gentle, but it so often requires sadness to exist.

"I am glad," he says, "We can both help people. Maybe even together."

Because a lot of the times there is no need for daggers or dread, or marks and magic, or even wealth or war to make things a little bit better for everyone. Maryden agrees. Then she is singing again. Cole keeps pieces of the song in his head.

* * *

 **Author's Note: OKAY, THIS WILL BE A RANT, AND IT WILL HAVE MILD SPOILERS FOR BOTH THE MAIN GAME AND THE TRESPASSER DLC! Because this will be kind of long, I'll take care of the writing-related stuff first. First of all: I know Maryden speaks in some kind of meter but a) I have no idea which one and more importantly b) I don't have enough comprehension of English syllables or poetry to write anything without some very, very extensive research. Normally I research things and I know this is probably not a good excuse not to but I really just can't be bothered so let's just say Maryden speaks here in situations where she doesn't need to go full-on minstrel on people. Okay.**

 **NOW HERE'S ME RANTING, AND I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT BUT I JUST FELT LIKE VENTING THIS:**

 **I wrote this story to make something nice and hopefully kind of pretty out of my frustration and angst, and I hope it worked. Here's the less pretty part:**

 **The reason I wrote this was mostly because I was feeling pretty angry at Bioware after playing the** ** _Trespasser_** **DLC and especially after reading more on it (because the way I'd played the main game I ended up with stuff I was generally happy with). And before I jump into full rant more I'll say this: I love Bioware's games and they are awesome and usually very progressive about representing sexual minorities and even gender identities and I really don't think that they did what they did because they wanted to be mean and I'm kind of overreacting with this anyway.**

 **The thing I'm talking about here is Cole and how he was heavily implied to be asexual in the main game. It was pretty much stated in some party banters, actually, and judging by his point of view narration in** ** _Asunder_** **, he does know what sex is but just isn't interested. Now I got some mild alarms bells ringing in my head when I realised that if you make Cole more human in his personal quest, some of the victory celebration dialogue hints that Cole might be becoming interested in intimacy in the future. And now it turns out that if you make Cole more human in the main game, by** ** _Trespasser_** **he'll be in a relationship with Maryden.**

 **I'm definitely not mad at Bioware for destroying my headcanon about Cole as an aromantic asexual (because being butthurt about wrecked headcanons would be... well, not very productive). I'm mad because the way they did it raises some pretty unfortunate implications. And before someone tells me that aces can be in relationships and that doesn't change the fact that they are ace, don't bother, because I know that. I'm ace, and I'm in a relationship. And yes, I might be reading too much into this and even if Cole expresses some interest in intimacy, it's all pretty vague and wouldn't mean that he'd necessarily developed sexual attraction. And yeah, it could be interpreted as a childlike character finally "growing up" and all that as well, but here's how I saw it:**

 **I'm not going to say that Cole was ever a good character to represent the asexual community, or that he was even ever meant to be a character to raise awareness of aceness, and that's fine. I mean, they used a lot of Dorian's characterisation to drop some anvils about homophobia and how it's bad, which in my opinion was a very good message, but did make the character occasionally feel less like a character and more like a spokesperson of the issue.** **Now, don't get me wrong: Cole is, in my opinion, a GREAT character and I absolutely love him. He's complex, interesting and incredibly huggable, and the fact that his sexuality - whatever it is - wasn't brought to the forefront so much added to that because people or characters shouldn't, in my opinion, be defined by a single thing like that. But the reason he wouldn't be good at raising ace awareness in any case is because he is not human. One of the most common stereotypes about asexuals is that they either don't exist or they are seen as less human. So here we have a character who is not human, is mostly invisible (which does bring kind of great symbolism when viewed in this light), and is frequently described as being "not real", who seems very asexual, but may get interested in intimacy ONLY after becoming more "real" and more human. I hope you can see my problem with this. And yes, I may be overreacting, but I somehow turned my overreaction into this fic and here it is. So at least it hopefully didn't do any damage, except maybe to someone's retinas with my possibly bad writing.**


End file.
